Monday, April 25, 2005

Meltdown

Rehab: I had a meltdown Sunday. I won't go into what prompted it, but I can tell you that it was a full on pity party with a lack of self esteem heaped on top. Jen was gone all day Sunday so that allowed it to fester until it was good and ready. You see I've stalled on my rehab project. I've run out of steam at the same time that I'm waiting for my carpenter to start framing. He's on another job that doesn't have a clear end date. All of my other contractors are lined up but most of the bids are higher than I anticipated so I've reached the point where I'm both behind schedule and over budget. Aaaaahhhhh!

I've heard many people say that they feel like imposters at their career, but I really have very little experience and am in over my head. I stay cool and calm until I clearly am in trouble. That moment hit me yesterday. In the midst of my meltdown I called my carpenter and was going to tell him that I needed to find another who could start right away. He's a great carpenter but framing isn't his specialty and I was worried that he didn't want to do it and didn't want to tell me. He's more of a finish and trim guy. Luckily he wasn't there when I called.

He called me back this afternoon, giving me time to come to my senses, and I explained the situation to him. He was great. Thanks Steve! He talked me through the whole thing. Then we went to the lumber yard and bought the materials to start framing. He's coming in the morning with a couple of guys to get things rolling. I'm meeting with my banker tomorrow and was really worried about him seeing the place behind schedule. If things go as planned all should be hunky dory.

I don't think my meltdown was a waste of time, but I would really like to be able to channel that energy into my everyday worklife. Luckily Jen has seen me freak out like that once before and knew not to pay too much attention to it. Apparently it's just something I do now when I'm about half way through a project and I seem to lack the energy to see it to completion. Also I do believe that the baby coming has added an additional layer of stress that I had not before experienced. It's always something.

Television: I've stopped watching and caring about who the next American Idol will be. The only person that was at all interesting to me was Nadia and she was booted off. I really don't care about any of the other contestents. Bo Bice is just a southern rock cover band singer. Anthony Federov is still there? Scott Savol? Who the hell is voting for that guy? Most people I know think it's a stupid show anyway, but I do believe Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard and Fantasia are talented singers. They were the best on their seasons and America picked them against all odds. I also think bad producing and management has sunk their careers. They are being made to sound like everyone else out there and that is the wrong decision. Fantasia is the next Aretha Franklin and they produce her like she's Tweet or some other songstress of the moment. Give her some challenging material and let her career build over time. They'd be giving her Kennedy Center honors in 40 years if they did that. Instead they'll be giving her Pine Sol commercials in a year.

1 comment:

It's Lisa, y'all said...

I have had my fair share of melt-downs and I have seen quite a few melt-downs first hand. Luckily, I was born with the kind of personality where I get calmer as another person gets more worked up (the vice versa isn't so great however). It seems like a normal thing for people to hit some sort of wall or cross some line where they feel completely overwhelmed and out of their league. I suspect that people who don't have melt-downs are either not thinking very deeply about their lives or are living at a very low version of their own potential so that they never get pushed to the point of freak out. Think about like, "I'm a guy who's livin' on the EDGE!" The edge is a dangerous place (but a super good guitar player) so it can be scary.